To avoid too much blogging and/or over-emotional and rash blogging, i took a little bit of a break there.
Related to that - my knee-jerk (though, thankfully, ignored) reaction to write/say/do over-emotional things when i got (/get) hurt - i was considering how i swing from two extremes. In the course of about twenty minutes, one person said i was emotionless, and another that i was too emotional. I decided that this comes from countless occasions of having to put on a strong front in "public" and being crushed/devastated/jealous/angry in private. Months of feeling more about someone than they do about you teaches you not to broadcast your feelings for fear of rejection. Years of trying to keep your temper under control ends up tethering all your emotions. A decade of not allowing bereavement to shadow everything you do gives you an edge on not letting hurt play across your face.
But to think, even for one second, that it isn't there..
"There is love in our bodies and it holds us together
But pulls us apart when we're holding each other
We all want something to hold in the night
We don't care if it hurts or we're holding too tight
There is love in your body but you can't get it out
It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth"
[Florence + The Machine; Hardest of Hearts]
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
Friday, 19 February 2010
Photo blogging
Sometimes it's worth being up at half 7 in the morning, if only to look out over the lake and see a low, morning sun rising; golden behind the trees.
"And there's gold falling from the ceiling of this world"
[Angus and Julia Stone; And The Boys]
"And there's gold falling from the ceiling of this world"
[Angus and Julia Stone; And The Boys]
Thursday, 18 February 2010
An almost instantaneous deviation from the format!
Though not strictly song lyrics, i had to include these quotes which i found in the Feb edition of (American) Elle.
They just hit me with such an emotional weight. It really resonated with me with its sense of trauma becoming embedded in you, something you can never truly dismiss. Sometimes i feel that i have buried mine somewhat under the surface, but then there are the days when i gaze into it, 'clinging' to my trauma, as Flynn would say, and i fall apart. But then other days i can be composed. This all sounds too depressing. Just read it!
"...it does seem that some of us, men and women alike, use our past turmoil, cling to it
...
This reenactment of trauma is perhaps the opposite of finding a way to embody the trauma, which might be another way of saying to integrate the experience into your everyday life, so that it no longer pulls your strings, makes you dance
...
Come spring, everyone is damaged again, whether they talk about it or not. It's just the world waking up. It's the sap running through the trees, it's the ice starting to thaw
...
True damage is not merely a reenactment of past turmoil, but part of our nature, part of our cellular structure. That's why it's not a good idea to imagine you can contain it in one place and neatly chop it out"
[Nick Flynn; Damage Done]
They just hit me with such an emotional weight. It really resonated with me with its sense of trauma becoming embedded in you, something you can never truly dismiss. Sometimes i feel that i have buried mine somewhat under the surface, but then there are the days when i gaze into it, 'clinging' to my trauma, as Flynn would say, and i fall apart. But then other days i can be composed. This all sounds too depressing. Just read it!
"...it does seem that some of us, men and women alike, use our past turmoil, cling to it
...
This reenactment of trauma is perhaps the opposite of finding a way to embody the trauma, which might be another way of saying to integrate the experience into your everyday life, so that it no longer pulls your strings, makes you dance
...
Come spring, everyone is damaged again, whether they talk about it or not. It's just the world waking up. It's the sap running through the trees, it's the ice starting to thaw
...
True damage is not merely a reenactment of past turmoil, but part of our nature, part of our cellular structure. That's why it's not a good idea to imagine you can contain it in one place and neatly chop it out"
[Nick Flynn; Damage Done]
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
And so to begin...
Seems fitting, given the last/first post, to start with the xx.
For me, this epitomises the occasional tensions between me and one of the people i've kept closest to. My own personal brand of curling up inside myself and lashing out, which manifests itself whenever i'm worried about getting hurt, isn't meant to upset anyone, and it kills me when it does.
Those lyrics are what i wish i could say - i still want you, i just react against my fears about the potential to lose something brilliant..
"So don't think that I'm pushing you away
When you're the one that I've kept closest"
[The xx; Crystalised]
For me, this epitomises the occasional tensions between me and one of the people i've kept closest to. My own personal brand of curling up inside myself and lashing out, which manifests itself whenever i'm worried about getting hurt, isn't meant to upset anyone, and it kills me when it does.
Those lyrics are what i wish i could say - i still want you, i just react against my fears about the potential to lose something brilliant..
"So don't think that I'm pushing you away
When you're the one that I've kept closest"
[The xx; Crystalised]
Another 'first blog'
The idea for this blog sprang from a quote in NME from 30th Jan 2010. Oliver from the (amazing) 'xx' said..:
"I'm reluctant to go into detail about my lyrics. Just thinking about my favourite songs and how i fit them to my own personal experiences, if the person that wrote it explained exactly what they meant word for word and it didn't fit my own personal interpretation, i could imagine it being heartbreaking. So i wouldn't want to destroy anybody's interpretation of what they think we're trying to say"
Simples - i'll rabbit on about my interpretation of the songs that mean the most to me.
"I'm reluctant to go into detail about my lyrics. Just thinking about my favourite songs and how i fit them to my own personal experiences, if the person that wrote it explained exactly what they meant word for word and it didn't fit my own personal interpretation, i could imagine it being heartbreaking. So i wouldn't want to destroy anybody's interpretation of what they think we're trying to say"
Simples - i'll rabbit on about my interpretation of the songs that mean the most to me.
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