Back from a break

To avoid too much blogging and/or over-emotional and rash blogging, i took a little bit of a break there.

Related to that - my knee-jerk (though, thankfully, ignored) reaction to write/say/do over-emotional things when i got (/get) hurt - i was considering how i swing from two extremes. In the course of about twenty minutes, one person said i was emotionless, and another that i was too emotional. I decided that this comes from countless occasions of having to put on a strong front in "public" and being crushed/devastated/jealous/angry in private. Months of feeling more about someone than they do about you teaches you not to broadcast your feelings for fear of rejection. Years of trying to keep your temper under control ends up tethering all your emotions. A decade of not allowing bereavement to shadow everything you do gives you an edge on not letting hurt play across your face.
But to think, even for one second, that it isn't there..

"There is love in our bodies and it holds us together
But pulls us apart when we're holding each other
We all want something to hold in the night
We don't care if it hurts or we're holding too tight

There is love in your body but you can't get it out
It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth"

[Florence + The Machine; Hardest of Hearts]